am i ready?

am i ready to let him go?
am i ready to forget all about him?
am i ready to not to talk about him again?
am i ready to throw away his fucking nice scent?
am i ready to let him go?
am i ready to tell you this?
am i ready to tell my friends i have done something stupid?
am i ready not to fall for him again?
am i ready?

after like talking to muhammad ali. my bestie de bf.
first thing first popped out in my head.
I REALLY FELT TERRIBLE TO MYSELF AND EVEN WORSE I FELT DISGUST TO MYSELF.
how pathetic am i ?
HAVE YOU EVER FEEL WHAT AM I FEEL RIGHT NOW?
ITS HARD. TOTALLY HARD.
i really trying not to feel regret.
its gone. like forever gone.
hoping for something that obviously will not come back.
i should crash hard so i can face how bad the reality is actually.
BUT IM PROUD I THINK I DID.

after spending 30 minutes naked with the water. thats why i love thinking when im in the shower.
i think more deeply than ever. it took 30 minutes for me to realized everything. yea.

i did it. i think i am becoming new me.
new me is born because of you aaron daniel. :)
thanks for that.

i have found new solution for myself.
never get attached too fast.
dont you ever magnet all the boys again.
just have fun with yourself.
letsssssss !


the term of love that i used to hold?
yes. still goin on. just in need of time to find the right person.

NOOO.
in my mind.
he cant accept me for who i am.
this is a mistake from the first place since i knew him, i never tell him the truth.
so if i did, obviously he will cant accept me. FINE.
and so now,
from now on. i live my life. once my friend said, study smart, party hard.
thats what am i gonna do.
he's somehow is my idol. him. yea. him !
im gonna have the good life too. trust me.
ill meet you 5 years from now.
by that time, idk whether you still with your life.
or you already married and become someone new you.
i dont know. you dont know. we dont know.

so why dont we wait and see.

ill keep my words.
i need to get good life to show you that i also can live just like you.
thanks for that! thanks for everything.
now i know. :)

pypa.

i seriously can live my life. without much tears. which mean i am moving forward.
looking back? for sure, when i about to forget myself. :)