quick update

nothing much.
alot of things happened
just not in the mood to state it here.
so im just gonna keep it for myself.
for now lah.
kalau dah rajin balik, ill tell everything okay.

soon will be back to college?
excited ? sad? idk.
natural feeling as always.
just i really dont like to pack up.
sangat tidak suka okay. how i wish i have the magic to pack.
so i dont have to susah2 pack lagi

my mind ?
shopping.
i cant wait !
idk.
penniless?
as always. like forever. !
pui!


missing someone?
not a chance.
i dont have anyone to miss

pathetic.
sometimes. but i dont care.

living my life?
not really.

okay wow this is really pathetic.
im giving question to myself and im the one who answer it. HAHAHAH

WHAT?

FREAKING BORED UNTIL I WANNA CRY.
WHERE IS EVERYONE?
WHY AM I FEELING LIKE THIS?
YOU KNOW, FEELING LIKE YOU THE ONLY ONE WHO TRY TO WORK OUT THIS FRIENDSHIP?
AM I CRUEL FOR THINKING LIKE THAT?

MAYBE THIS IS THE ONLY FEELING.
I MEAN THE FEELING WHEN YOU FEEL BORED AND FOREVER ALONE

I AM TIRED WITH PENNILESS.
I AM TIRED WITH ALL THE SAME ROUTINE.
I WANNA CHANGE.
CHANGE EVERYTHINGG THAT WILL CHANGE MY LIFE AND ROUTINE.


URGH.
I CANT WAIT
YES TO LIVE MY LIFE.
I AM THANKFUL FOR WHAT IVE HAD RIGHT NOW.
BUT I WILL NOT GET ALL OF THIS ENOUGH UNTIL IM TRULY SATISFIED. YES

unfair

hello people.
as you can see the title we would know that this is not a happy post to be.

i am kinda upset and mad right now. to whom.? my parents. YEAH MY PARENTSSS! SO WHAT?!
okay i shouldnt say it that in CAPS LOCK.
i dont know. who to blame?
like yeah clearly obviously my mom is trying to provoked my dad that i should wake early and go to my lil sissy to sign her report card.
yeah look at your calendar people. almost the end of the year. so yeah. kids started their holiday with yippie yiipie yeayy ! and they cant wait for it.
i was like. yeah its good to wake up early in the morning.
but helloooo.. it make no difference if i have to wait for her too since she got the penyampaian hadiah thinggy! urghhhh...

okay that was first. !

second thing.
my mom is trying to say that my dad is being UNFAIR! YES UNFAIR THATS IT !
BECAUSE, he only went to my school since i was in primary but not to my others siblings.
why it is happened?
because i kinda insist my dad to go !
i was like remind him strike to his face that he should go to my school and sign the report card!
but my other siblings seems dont care about this nowadays. what i mean is the report card thingy.
so obviously my dad will think that is nothing since no one is talking to him like i did!

and guess what, they making that as an issue! like big issue!
hellooooo. okay look. im not trying to defense myself or what.
it just me. being upset to my mom because she seems saying that my dad lebihkan saya dari adik2 saya yang lain.
THEN, after had a big close to war conversation with my mom, my dad yelled and ask me to get ready. i overheard all what they said since i was awake just im restoring my energy to face the damn cold water!!!!!

i am so not happy about this.
my dad ask me to bring my moms to the school.
hey so whats the point me waking up early, and go with her?
i thought it would be easier for her to go by herself or paling sanang! ill go by myself!

my mom making this as a big issue!

what ever! i am so not happy with this !



judge me or what ever. and you know what, i dont give a single fuck to all of you!
*wondering if i ever had a reader*

MALAS

LUMRAH MANUSIA DILAHIRKAN MEMPUNYAI SIFAT SEMULAJADI YANG DIDORONGI OLEH SAITAN SAITAN DURJANA IAITU MALAS. YANG MANA JIKA TERLALU DIMANJA DIRI INI AKAN MEMAKAN DIRI DI MASA HADAPAN KELAK.

begitu lah lumrah kehidupan ku dimana aku tersangatlah malas untuk meng-update blog ni.

so many things happened.

mau upload pic pun malas. tapi akan ku gagahi jugak sifat malas ku ini !

mari! dimulakan dengan raya! well. raya aidiladha bosan. semakin aku dewasa, semakin kurang meriah padaku. kawan2 saya yang lain pun merasakan apa yang ku rasa. apakah ?

see the raya. as usual being retarded is our speciality.

this also. !

winning ! HAHAHA playin 3 ekor bubut2 like orang gila. phew. and end up swiming d club house ! :DD


i am looking for money! wanted to see greyson chance. breaking dawn. partying.

please!

skjhfsjdfhsdjfhskf

STTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTIHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUGUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGGMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCAAAAANNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAATTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOUURRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNSSSSSSJUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTLLLLLLLLLIKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZOOOOOOMMMMMMMMBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIEEEDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDD!

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOORRRRRRBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGSSSSSSSTTTUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIID!

WHY I HAVE TO BUY THE KAIN FOR A METER ONLY AHH?
KSJDFHKSJFHSKAJFHSAKFHAKJF

am i ready?

am i ready to let him go?
am i ready to forget all about him?
am i ready to not to talk about him again?
am i ready to throw away his fucking nice scent?
am i ready to let him go?
am i ready to tell you this?
am i ready to tell my friends i have done something stupid?
am i ready not to fall for him again?
am i ready?

after like talking to muhammad ali. my bestie de bf.
first thing first popped out in my head.
I REALLY FELT TERRIBLE TO MYSELF AND EVEN WORSE I FELT DISGUST TO MYSELF.
how pathetic am i ?
HAVE YOU EVER FEEL WHAT AM I FEEL RIGHT NOW?
ITS HARD. TOTALLY HARD.
i really trying not to feel regret.
its gone. like forever gone.
hoping for something that obviously will not come back.
i should crash hard so i can face how bad the reality is actually.
BUT IM PROUD I THINK I DID.

after spending 30 minutes naked with the water. thats why i love thinking when im in the shower.
i think more deeply than ever. it took 30 minutes for me to realized everything. yea.

i did it. i think i am becoming new me.
new me is born because of you aaron daniel. :)
thanks for that.

i have found new solution for myself.
never get attached too fast.
dont you ever magnet all the boys again.
just have fun with yourself.
letsssssss !


the term of love that i used to hold?
yes. still goin on. just in need of time to find the right person.

NOOO.
in my mind.
he cant accept me for who i am.
this is a mistake from the first place since i knew him, i never tell him the truth.
so if i did, obviously he will cant accept me. FINE.
and so now,
from now on. i live my life. once my friend said, study smart, party hard.
thats what am i gonna do.
he's somehow is my idol. him. yea. him !
im gonna have the good life too. trust me.
ill meet you 5 years from now.
by that time, idk whether you still with your life.
or you already married and become someone new you.
i dont know. you dont know. we dont know.

so why dont we wait and see.

ill keep my words.
i need to get good life to show you that i also can live just like you.
thanks for that! thanks for everything.
now i know. :)

pypa.

i seriously can live my life. without much tears. which mean i am moving forward.
looking back? for sure, when i about to forget myself. :)

sleepyhead

hehe sebelah aku. jejari adik aku jugak sibuk menyusun ayat untuk blog nya.
heeehee.

tapi aku mempunyai sikap yang agak pelik dimana aku tidak suka orang membaca post yang aku tengah tulis ni.
aku prefer dorang baca after aku officially post.

okay back to the title.

i am so sleepy okay! i dont know why but my eyes is so damn heavy right now. urghh.
rabu i am goin to meet nani kee. idk whether the plan still on or not. hmmph.
lepas tu.

semalam. yea. hari yang gila. malam yang penuh kegilaan. risiko nya bakal diketahui.
aku hanya mampu berserah.
sepertinya aku semakin getting lost.
aku tidak suka akan diri ini.
this is not me.
what should i do to change myself?
i have the niat but my body wont let me. aka the devil has controlled my body. fully!

and heeee. talking to him makes me feel like dkjhfsjdhfskjdhfsjkdhf
idk. but my heart somehow is smiling.
icant wait to meet him next month.
he's been busy and he is sick.
i dont know. but i hope. he stay as one one person. u know what is the meaning?
let it be.
like ada jak orang baca. but sadly none. :)

and u know what?! i called him like thousand and fuck he asked me to call tomorrow. and guess what. he was sick and take med. HAHAHAHAHA and im disturbing him. HAHAHAHAH
i am so.. hurmm
and i told him that i went to the club. and he says im stupid. and dont ever do that again. and he asked about my mom. im sure darling. i will be grounded after this. and that will be the first and last partay for this month.
seriously i go crazy ! yes! you may ask my friend.
omigossh.
thats how we get wasted.
hihihihih

and up until now, i dont have the happy stomach. :(

but good news here.
i finally can controlled my feeling towards him.
i dont really look for him anymore.
im waiting him to call and i dont give high expectation. he is working. and kinda bz.
and hes not like me. so i have to understand lah. hmmm

but im totally okay. okay fuck. i should call m.a to talk to him.
but can i say if im scared of his words that might affect my mind?

pypy

KALUT

YEA. MASIH KALUT DENGAN KETAKUTAN.
NAMUN AKU TETAP MENERUSKAN KEINGINAN MUDA KU.
AKU HARUS KUAT DAN CEKAL DALAM MENEMPUH DUGAAN INI.
KU TAHU BAHAWA ESOK PAGI PASTIKAN MUNCUL SINAR MENTARI.
KU TAHU BAHAWA AKU PASTI AKAN TERSENYUM MENITI HARI.
APA YANG PERLU.
KESABARAN. SABAR ITU MERUPAKAN UJIAN.
AKU HARUS CEKAL. YEA. CEKAL RASANYA SUDAH SEBATI.
NAMUN LUKA LUKA TERSEBUT MENYEBABKAN KEPERITAN BERTAMBAH.
UNTUK MENGURANGKANNYA, IANYA MUSTAHIL KERNA KU TAHU IANYA AKAN TERPAHAT SAMPAI BILA BILA.
YANG MENJADIKAN KU KUAT, YANG MENJADIKAN AKU LEBIH CEKAL MENEMPUH HARI HARI YANG MENDATANG.
AKU TAHU.

LUKA YANG LAMA TIDAK AKAN BERDARAH, NAMUN PARUTNYA AKAN MASIH KELIHATAN.
LUKA YANG BARU?
MASIH BERDARAH. AKU MEMERLUKAN UBAT. LETAK LAH GARAM AGAR BISA LUKA KU DISEMBUHKAN DENGAN CEPAT.

AKU AKAN MENCARI KETENANGAN HIDUP.
AKU AKAN MENCARI TEMPAT KU BERGEMBIRA.
AKU AKAN MENCARI DIRI YANG SEPERTI HILANG DARI LANDASAN.

AKU AKUI AKU TELAH ALPA DAN TERSASAR.
TETAPI AKU MEMPUNYA PELUANG KERANA ITU ADALAH AKU.
SEMUANYA BERKAITAN AKU.
AKU PENCERITANYA.
AKU PENYUDAHNYA.
AKU PELAKONNYA.
SEMUANYA TENTANG AKU.

JANGAN DITANYA MENGAPA.
JANGAN DIPERTIKAIKAN.
JANGAN SEMUANYA JANGAN.

INI AKU. PERIT YANG DULU. KESALAHAN YANG DULU MENYEBABKAN AKU BEGINI. AKU TIDAK MENYALAHKAN SESIAPA. MALAH AKU SEBETULNYA BERSYUKUR KERANA KEJADIANNYA BEGINI.
TAPI PERCAYA PADAKU,
MASA AKAN MENYEDARKAN AKAN KESILAPAN PERASAAN INI.

SEMUANYA AKAN BAIK BAIK SAHAJA.
MASA.
IANYA MENENTUKAN CERITAKU INI.

TAKUT

yea. aku takut dalam mengejar kepuasan hatiku.
tetapi aku tetap meyakinkan diriku bahawa aku perlu tabah.
dan yea. aku tetap akan melakukan seperti pelakon lagak ngeri.
walaupun aku tahu aku bakal mendapat parut parut yang bakal tinggal di diri ini.
oleh itu aku wajib berhati hati agar tidak ada satu parut yang terkesan. :(

hikhik

LOL andy was asking me why he cant see my blog anymore.
iwas like acting comel and suprised eh really arh ? i didnt know pun.
padahal...

i dont change the setting to private anyway.
just i change the url. so no one will can read this. except my follower.

i think i already mention about this kan?
why should i keep saying about this? sakai.

well i have this in my mind.
he was calling me while im at the grandma's .
so obviously i cant pick it up.
so i let the phone ringing.
and just now i texted my friend and asking about this.
he said. see he will call you. and let him call 3 to 4 times.

but my heart say. call him back. yeah.
but until now. i still dont have the gut to call him.
so many things i wanna say, but i know when i call him. all the things will stays forever in my head.
and at the end of conversation, i will regret because things i wanna said i cant say it loud. it just pathetic me. i hate myself. yes. iam

i should be me ! :(

why ?

kenapa?

yes kenapa time aku rindu orang tu , i got the feeling that dia tak rindu kat aku. kenapa ?

why?
why this life kena complicated. kenapa?!

yes. i miss him. i wanna him to call me and talk to me even for a minute i dont fucking care as long dia call aku and say hi to me. but too bad.

he dont miss me at all. i know. again. im falling with someone jerk. like seriously jerk. hurmm. this is so pathetic. yea. aku sungguh kasihan.

aku langsung tidak berpeluang merasa what the hell is love. yeah. percaya cakap aku. 2 3 kali kena macam ni. trust me im goin turn myself to someone else that is not me.

betul weh. sakit oh macam ni. sangat sakit. untung la kamu dapat rasa what is hapiness when with someone you love. aku? HAHAH aku sorang je yang rasa love, that jerk. satisfied to play with me. hahahahaha

jangan jadi macam aku. seriously.

i really wanna sleep right now

but just now having lil chat with nad. and she said that shes goin to fea birthday partaaayyyss. damn ! and guess what. dia buat kat tempat c daniel tu kot. wtf weeeyyy. sumpah itll be awesome nak mampos!

i wanna get wasted too ! T_T i am so fucking jelous. why la. saya awal sangat balik. and things turn to be tersangatlah boring. like oh my. im can go die now. pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !

please let me do something useful. how to make myself busy so that my mind will not think about him even once ?! HOW?

im trying to talk to my heart. my mind was agree but seems my heart is so stubborn. she dont wanna listen to me ! even for once. shit la wey. shitt T_T

i wanna get wasted. so that i dont remember any single thing ! yesss ! even just for a night. i dont care anymore ! hmmmmmmmphh.

and i really hope nad will not talk anything or what so ever that can reveal explode my stupid lil liars. HAHAHAHAH

but thank god. in the time i needed this one guy but never get his attention. theres someone need my attention. and i am nice person. why not? layan je la dia. trust me that fucking guy will not contact me. like what c george cakap. so what ever !

im thinking of deleting his number bha. but wait. cannot cannot !

even no relationship. friends with benefit. why not :D

yeay !

yeah ! ive change the url. so i guess. only me and the blogger geng who followed me will can read my post.

yes. it is because. im goin to post something like more private. but i dont think so la weh .

well i just wanna tell you that i am so stupid. silly. idiot. any words refer to stupid. thats for me :)

betul weh. and thanks george! seriously thanks for being here keep replying my msg with my nonsense. trust me. i dont have anyone that i can trust besides you. thanks for that. i really appreciate it. and i know your not going to read this. but still i wanna thank to you !

i seriously need to get wasted. in order to forget thisss.. yea this one guy actually.

oh shit !! shit shit shit !!!!!

what should i do now? ive been taking that, but still got no effect. im going to die. like seriously !!

what am i going to do ?!


pypy